Therapist Entry

Therapist Blog Assignment - Grace Beecham – INTRO – JA12MN

                I had an interesting experience as a therapist last weekend.  I am still in the place where I am juggling understanding and intuition, often torn between what both the client and I ‘know’ is the problem and what direction my gut was telling me to go.

                This last session was exactly that; it ended up falling short of the fantastic massage I intended, and feedback from the client wasn’t so hot either.  At times like this we can find peace in the fact that even at its most mediocre, massage is still hugely therapeutic.  But knowing this, I feel that there is an even greater truth to be found. 

                When I think about the great therapist I hope to, and one day will, be I remember Lovelace telling our class about the contrast of mobility and stability.  It was in reference to body mechanics, but I feel the same is true for “heart mechanics” as well.  It is a continual dance to remain both stable – not easily overthrown or moved, and mobile – able to grow and expand with ease.  But this is where it gets difficult: in this therapist situation I could have simply gone with stability: doing what I knew by the book, staying within the lines of what I could understand.  But I don’t happen to be that sort of person.  I’m also not the sort whose fingers drip with creative intuition, knitting and painting and decorating ad nauseum.  Instead I happen to be a little of both, the sort that thrives on being surefooted in very unstable places, and finding myself in the unlikeliest of places – and still somehow ending up in a place of influence.  That is why this stability/mobility concept is so intriguing to me, because I feel it is a picture of my own life and journey.

                It is difficult to lead when we don’t know where we’re going.  It was hard to in that situation say to a person’s body: “I know I don’t have all of the answers, but come - let me draw you into healing anyway.”  In balancing the stability of understanding and the mobility of intuition we have to be very brave, trusting both and never fully relying on either.  There has to be something inside, a love of the journey, that is willing to look foolish and ineffective while we try and try again to stay balanced and with it, bring life.  It is like being on the sea in a boat; somehow you know that you will never master it, will always remain a pupil and very seldom be in control; and that HAS to be okay. Ours is an ever expanding field, not really fitting into any one category.  It touches so many parts of a person and it’s always a surprise which. It’s not the sort of tool that one can wield for their own glory, and the amount of life our clients receive is directly proportionate to the life we have flowing through us.

I know that it will be a struggle, a constant adjustment to keep the balance.  I know that at times I will wish I had sided with understanding instead of intuition, or vice versa.  But my heart is to never settle, to never stagnate but to continue to explore and grow and learn and fail.   And if there are times that I encounter discouragement and embarrassment, so be it; I would rather a white-knuckled discovery than a quiet safety any day. Because growing, even at its most confusing and frustrating, will always have more life than confidence in our own competence.  And that’s the sort of therapist I want to be – full of life, whatever it costs, wherever it takes me.